2000 Days without Booze.
How not drinking has helped my writing.
Friday marked my 2000th day without alcohol.
I didn’t drink through the pandemic. I didn’t drink after my best friend of 40 years died unexpectedly in her sleep. I didn’t drink after we had to put our sweet dog to sleep.
I haven’t had a drink through all of our political chaos and uncertainty, although I have thought several times, why the hell shouldn’t I drink?
I never hit a so-called rock bottom. My body has never handled alcohol well. Once I hit menopause, it liked it even less: heart palpitations, terrible sleep, anxiety, depression. Once I realized I was expending too much energy trying to moderate my drinking I decided to just take it off the table.
While there is a long history of writers who drank/drink, I was never one of them. I did write once at a conference after having a few drinks. I noticed there was a new ease in my writing. There wasn’t that inner critic yapping at me. The writing wasn’t better or worse but I could see the allure of having a drink or two before settling in to write which is why I never did that again.
Usually, I just consider the physical and mental health benefits I’ve experienced since I stopped drinking: better sleep, less anxiety and depression, more clarity. But it has really impacted my writing. The clarity helps, of course. But here a few more benefits I have noticed:
More energy and motivation to write. Alcohol kept me in a stagnant state. I felt so stuck. Now I feel more in the flow as I write daily.
A veil has been lifted. Alcohol kept me at a distance from the world. Now I notice more details and colors and conversations around me that feed into my writing.
It has made me resilient and confident. If I can do this really hard thing, what else am I capable of doing?
Instead of numbing my feelings and experiences with alcohol, I now write them out.
It has helped me go against the grain. Drinking is everywhere. It is not only accepted but generally expected. If I can stand up to such a common societal behavior that is encouraged by a huge industry, then maybe, just maybe I can buck the traditional publishing system and publish my own books.
Writing has helped me to untangle my complicated relationship to booze and the benefits have impacted every aspect of my life, including my writing life.